Sir Elton, Grandma, and searching myself…

I am thinking today about choices.
Grandma and I were in K-mart. I was about 9. If you are from my town, you might remember when K-Mart was in the Point Plaza shopping center. Big doors that moved sideways as you approached. Cash registers right inside the door.
As we neared the registers, Grandma remembered one more item. I waited with the cart while she went back. She returned to find me looking at a display of toys, and she asked if I wanted one.
I was a backward kid. A little bit shy. A little unsure of myself.
I shrugged and said, “I don’t care.”
Immediately Grandma said, “Let’s go then – I am not wasting money if you don’t care!”
Suddenly I cared. A lot.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I still have trouble saying what I want. And I still have trouble with some types of decisions.
Still. Decades later, I can feel the sting when we left the store without a toy. And I still do it.
How about you? Do you have an avoidance tactic when it comes to difficult decisions?
Maybe I am the only one.
I am also thinking about Elton John. The soundtrack of my early years was Frank, Barbra, Simon & Garfunkel…and I still enjoy all those folks. But Elton was the first musical influence I chose for myself.
Stop for a minute. Can you hear the opening of Your Song? Crocodile Rock?
Can you hear the music to these words:
Don’t let the sun go down on me, although I search myself it’s always someone else I see…
Do you ever feel like the “real” you is nowhere to be found? That the world rarely sees the person you know yourself to be?
I do.
Many times that feeling is preceded by an unwillingness to make a decision, or speak my mind…or worse yet, my heart.
I know that I know that I know what the result will be. Sadness. Maybe a bit of anger. Sometimes I call it losing my MoJo.
I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the one looking back.
My steps, my day, my life seems out of balance.
although I search myself it’s always someone else I see…
It isn’t that I completely unable to make decisions. Most of the time, I just don’t want anyone to be upset.
And you say, “Ummmm…get real please.” I know, I KNOW…it isn’t my job to make sure everyone is happy. I know.
Sometimes I delay until someone else comes along and makes the decision for me…and I almost NEVER like that.
Sometimes I make a commitment, then won’t do what is necessary to honor that. Not because I lied. My intentions were good.
But as my refusing-to-buy-a-toy Grandma would say, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” And she would be right.
although I search myself it’s always someone else I see…
How about you? Do you avoid hurting people, only to end up being hurt – which actually hurts everyone in your life? You know it does.
Or maybe you avoid making hard decisions and taking difficult action, then get upset when someone else does it for you?
Most of my blogs have a wrap-up. Some words of advice or wisdom. Not this one.
What I do know for sure is that indecision often costs me opportunity…with projects, with potential adventures, with people…
How about you? Have you missed out on something wonderful due to indecision?
Then maybe you can hear these words as well:
Losing everything is like the sun going down on me
Stay connected with me…let’s conquer this indecision hurdle together.
We will talk soon…
BP

Beth Painter is a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.

Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life!